Switching Gears

Greeting, Gaymers!

It's been over a year and a half since my most recent post. I could attribute it to many things but suffice it to say that life simply tends to get in the way of life and obligations pile up. While I'm not saying I didn't have time here or there to write a piece, I wanted to wait until I could once again pour my whole self back into GAYmer Guide - my little, half-baked, labor of love - before I began to write and review again. I'm pleased to say that I feel I'm once again at a place where I can dedicate myself to the blog. It's been over a year and a half since my most recent post, and I'm back.

20 months away provides one with quite the opportunity for introspection. That's quite a bit of time to look back over old posts and ponder the next step. I've spent no small amount of time reading and re-reading past entries and watching and re-watching old videos. As I scanned through my former musings I noticed two things: the copious amounts of spelling errors, and the near lack of comic book reviews. 

Now, spelling has never been my forte. I once got eliminated from an 8th Grade spelling bee for incorrectly spelling the word "raisin". Comic books, on the other hand... Comic books are my LIFE! I eat, sleep and breathe them. In the morning I chow down my cereal while skimming the pages of a graphic novel and at night I practically dream in comic book panel form. So it remains a mystery to me why I had so few comic book reviews before when comic books are something I am, for lack of a better word in all honesty, obsessed with.

As I contemplated new pieces I could start working on, it became increasingly apparent that comic book reviews were definitely an avenue to explore. With issues being released every two to three weeks, I could release more up-to-date reviews more frequently. Reviews could be much shorter, leaving more time for fluff articles and videos. The only problem was finding a good place to start at. 

My little gaymer prayers were answered in the aftermath of Marvel's Avengers VS X-men, when Marvel wrapped up several ongoing series and started fresh with several new ones. Ones I just so happen to be following and ones that just so happen to still be on single-digit issue numbers. 

I know gay comic book fans spread out of Marvel, into the DC universe and beyond. My fandom, however, does not. I'm a Marvel fan, always have been. That being said, GAYmer Guide is not my lectern, it is my love. Far be it for me to push my narrow tastes on the rest of you. This blog is about having a gay voice in the nerd world and if some of you gaymers out there like DC, then by golly that's what you'll get. As such, in addition to reviewing several of the new ongoing Marvel series, I plan to keep an eye out for any recently released DC titles that I feel are a good jumping off point, and begin reviewing them. I also plan on including other titles, not in the DC or Marvel Universes.

It's an exciting step for GAYmer Guide and I'm beyond thrilled to once again be doing what I love. I hope you'll bear with me as I work out kinks and get the ball rolling again. Of course, I hope it goes without saying, that feedback of any kind is appreciated. Suggestions, comments, shares, or hate mail. It all serves a purpose. 

Live Proud and Game Hard,

AJ

A GAYmer Guide Breakdown of the New ThunderCats Cartoon.

After months of anticipation The ThunderCats are finally loose in their 2011 cartoon revival. While much has changed since the show's initial appearance 26 years ago, Warner Brothers has done a spectacular job of rewriting ThunderCat history while still maintaining the cartoon whimsy yet mature undertones that made our friendly felines so popular in the first place. And although WB may have traded the bulging muscles of homo-erotic 80's animation for some much less stimulating american-style anime, ThunderCats is just as much a must-watch now as it was before. However, with the reboot already set to air it's fifth episode next week, and with no official website for watching previous episodes online, most fans haven't had a chance to get caught up to speed on these strange but familiar looking heroes this time around.  Not to worry ThunderFans, you're ever vigilant GAYmer Guide is here to iron out the details and clear the air so you can get ready to feel the magic and hear the roar once again.

Setting
Then: After the destruction of their home-world Thundera, the ThunderCats find themselves having crash-landed on a the mysterious planet Third Earth. They set right away to building a fortress, the iconic Cats Lair, making allies and maintaining the code of Thundera. It isn't long before their presence awakens the ancient demon priest Mumm-Ra and their fight for survival begins.
Now: On a very different Third Earth where it seems segregation reigns supreme, the Cats have built quite a legacy for themselves. In their great city Thundera, ruled by king Claudis (voiced by Larry Kenney, the original Lion-O from the 80's) the cocky and privileged Cats have come to view themselves as the best of the races on their planet. Things quickly change when one of their own betrays them, resulting in the destruction of their beloved city and the near decimation of their people. Knowing that the answers they need to defeat this ancient evil are written in the lost Book of Omens, the surviving Cats set out to find the book and save what's left of their civilization.

Cheetara
Then: As the only adult female ThunderCat for the first couple years of the show this speed-demon, warrior goddess proved her worth time and time again. With limited ESP abilities and the use of a wavering sixth sense, Cheetara got the Cats out of many a jam. Her weapon of choice: a bow staff that could do just about anything she wanted it to.

Now: Having been trained as a Cleric by none other than Jaga himself, Cheetara finds herself the last of her kind after the destruction of her city. Being a Cleric, Cheetara has some knowledge in magic, including the ability to make herself run at super speeds, wether this knowledge of magic will include a sixth sense has yet to be seen. While she may have traded her lady-mullet for some longer locks, the new Cheetara still fights with her iconic staff, the weapon of the Clerics.


Tygra
Then: A Thunderian noble, Tygra was renowned for his intelligence, cunning, and skills as an architect/engineer, having been responsible for the construction of the Cats Lair and Tower of Omens while on Third Earth. When faced with an opponent, the striped Cat would use his whit and ability to turn invisible to confuse his enemies and gain his victory.

Now: Of all the characters in the ThunderCats reboot, Tygra may be the least like him former self. As Lion-O's adopted brother, he frequently finds himself a tad jealous that his rash and cocky younger sibling will be the one to inherit the throne, causing him to frequently challenging Lion-O to public displays of strength and might in order to better show his adeptness. However while still caring about his brother, and still rocking the unexplained ability to turn invisible, Tygra is always there to back up Lion-O in a fight, even when the odds are well-stacked against them.


Lion-O
Then: Being young at the time of his home planet's destruction, Lion-O escaped aboard the ThunderCat Flag Ship with the surviving Thundarian nobles. While sleeping in suspended animation on the journey to their new planet, Lion-O's body grew and matured by the time they crash landed. Despite being an adolescent boy with the body of a greek god, he was a fair and level-headed Lord of the ThunderCats, often consulting the spirit of his former mentor Jaga before making decisions.

Now: As a rash and often immature Prince, Lion-O spends his days exploring his city and dreaming about the stories he was told as a young child. Obsessed mostly with the stories of "technology" Lion-O often sneaks into the slums of Thundera to buy strange salvaged equipment from a black-market vendor, wondering what it's many different uses are. Often times at odds with his fellow Cats' sense of entitlement, Lion-O frequently finds himself stepping in to protect the weak from what he sees as unjust punishment. As Thundera is ransacked by the Lizards utilizing great mechanical beasts, it's Lion-O's tinkering with technology that allows him to save a handful of Cats and escape the city. With the death of his father Claudis, Lion-O inherits the Sword of Omens and assumes the mantle of king as he sets out to find the Book of Omens.


Jaga
Then: A great leader and warrior, Jaga led the ThunderCats into many battles on their home-world Thundera. After the planet started to rip apart, Jaga commanded the flag ship of the ThunderCats and plotted a course for the closest suitable planet for them to rebuild. After the ship's auto pilot was damaged in a Mutant attack, Jaga took it upon himself to pilot the ship as far as he could, knowing he wouldn't survive the trip in a suspended animation capsule due to his age. Despite having died before the ThunderCats crashed on Third Earth, Jaga's spirit frequently appeared to Lion-O to guide him through his journey or warn him of danger, sometimes even temporarily taking the Sword of Omens and fighting along side him.

Now: A great and powerful Wizard, Jaga serves as advisor to the throne of Thundera. Having formed and trained the Clerics, an elite group of warrior skilled in magic sworn to protect the crown, Jaga was invaluable to the Cats survival. When Thundera is attacked it's Jaga and his Clerics who come to the rescue of the king, until Mumm-Ra shows himself and wipes out the clerics in seconds.


Panthro
Then: Tough, strong and apparently rather fond of spiked singlets, Panthro acted as the mechanic and technician for the ThunderCats after their crash on Third Earth. Working closely with Tygra, the two built an array of machines and vehicles that were instrumental in the survival and success of their teammates. Though Panthro preferred to drive the ThunderTank while in battle, he was rather adept at hand-to-hand combat, utilizing his red and blue nunchucks when the situation called for it.

Now: As of yet Panthro hasn't made an appearance in the Cartoon, though he has been mentioned frequently. Apparently a great general and close friend of Grune's, Panthro set out with Grune to find the Book of Omens, but allegedly fell during a Lizard attack. But fear not Cat fans, promotional pictures and actions figures alike featuring our blue-skinned boy alive and well would suggest it's only a matter of time before the surviving cats come across Panthro in their journey.


WilyKit and WilyKat
Then: Young, mischievous and troublesome, the "kittens" frequently let their curiosity get the better of them. Flying around on hover-boards and carrying with them an arsenal of smoke bombs and pellets, WilyKit and Kat always had a few tricks up their furry sleeves.

Now: As poor, near starving street urchins, the "kittens" of today are a far cry from the WilyKit and WilyKat of the 80's. While just as cunning and mischievous as they were before, WilyKit and Kat frequently use their tricks to score food off of an unsuspecting noble, rather than to play pranks on Snarf. While their bag of pellets and hover boards have yet to make an appearance, WilyKit does have the use of a ring-shaped flute which seems to daze anyone she plays it for, giving Kat the opportunity to gingerly pick their pockets.


Snarf
Then: Nursemaid to Lion-O as a boy, Snarf was both fiercely loyal to the ThunderCats and fiercely annoying to most fans. Although not able to fight and often times needed saving himself, Snarf was regularly involved in the ThunderCat's battles, much to everyone's dismay.

Now: Snarf has finally found his proper place as nothing more than Lion-O's pet. Possessing limited intelligence (like his former self) Snarf basically walks around and sniffs things in the background. Incapable of speech, the new Snarf will never be able to talk incessantly, complain constantly, or be able to shout variations of the word "snarf" at every turn.


Grune
Then: A former General for the armies of Thundera, Grune grew antsy after generations of peace. Eventually seeing the Thundarians as unworthy of the protection of the ThunderCats, Grune led a campaign to take over Thundera and force it's inhabitants to worship the ThunderCats like gods. His plan was quickly thwarted by his close friend Jaga, resulting in Grune's banishment from the planet. While on Third Earth the ThunderCats encountered Grune's spirit several times, having to call on Jaga to help defeat him every time.

Now: One of the two great Generals of Thundera, Grune and Panthro are sent out to find the Book of Omens. Upon their return, Grune informs everyone that Panthro lost his life during an attack from the Lizards. Grune later showed his true colors as he led an army of Lizards into the city, destroying everything in his path. Having allied himself with Mumm-Ra, Grune now acts as one of the main antagonists for the ThunderCats.


Mumm-Ra
Then: An ancient and powerful servant to the Spirits of Evil, Mumm-Ra took his place as big-badguy number 1. Constantly trying to destroy the ThunderCats and claim the power of the Sword of Omens as his own, Mumm-Ra relentlessly schemed and plotted to bring about their demise, often times allying with the other evil-doers of Third Earth. Though Mumm-Ra's powers were strong, the time he could spend out of his Black Pyramid was quite finite before his powers started to weaken and he was forced to retreat to his sarcophagus.

Now: Still as old, mummified and creepy as ever, Mumm-Ra once again serves as the main antagonist for the ThunderCats. Complete with a sarcophagus and his black pyramid, Mumm-Ra wastes no time in teaming with Grune and the Lizards to eradicate Thundera and wipe the Cats of the face of Third Earth. Although it appears Mumm-Ra doesn't suffer from a loss of power outside his pyramid, sunlight seems to weaken him greatly, causing him to attack Thundera at night. Mumm-Ra hopes to find the Book of Omens and use it's knowledge to gain even more power, a task the new ThunderCats wont let him complete.

An MMO In a Galaxy All It's Own: 10 Ways The Old Republic Differs From World of Warcraft



The time of the recluse nerd has come to an end. As the world of communications continues to expand, gone are the days of the anti-social gamer looking to level up his sorcerer alone in the confines of his darkened bedroom. With social networking expanding and internet access becoming more accessible we bid a fond farewell to traditional solo gaming as we find ourselves struggling to stay up-to-date and free of boredom in the Massively Multiplayer Online era.

Of the countless MMOs to have been released, none such have acted as both savior and saboteur as the formerly-sweet, now-bitter title "World of Warcraft:" a game so popular and so over-played gamers everywhere roll their eyes, drop their mouses, and shut off their computers at it's mere mention. What once set the bar for all other games to be judged by, WOW now acts as the industry's best example of what not to emulate for all new titles. We've all seen it: the closer a game resembles World of Warcraft, the more criticism it undoubtedly receives. 

 Because of WOW's influence there now exists a stigma withing the industry. All MMORPGs, no matter how hard they try to distance themselves, are viewed as nothing more than World of Warcraft in a different setting and with different characters;  a nice little conundrum we at GAYmer Guide have come to call the "WOW factor". Though countless developers have tried to reverse this stigma, only one seems to have the goods to really succeed and revamp everything we thought we knew about MMO gaming.  

Hailing from a galaxy far, far away and riding on the coat tails of it's developer's uncanny reputation for making a quality RPG, BioWare's Star Wars: The Old Republic has what it takes to break the blockade of repetition in our MMOs and  jump to hyperspace as the next best thing to come to online gaming. Still, despite overwhelming evidence that TOR is the answer to our prayers, gamers everywhere are a tad skeptical and many remain on the fence as to whether or not they'll pick up a lightsaber and join the battle to shape the galaxy. Having done the research and seen the footage, GAYmer Guide can tell you: this is what we've been waiting for. But for those still worried that TOR is just WOW in space we give you the following to consider:

An example of the dialog featured in TOR

1 - The force speaks to you, and so, apparently, will TOR- Probably the biggest difference between the two games will be the fully voiced environment featured in The Old Republic. Unlike the occasional "Zub Zub" heard when talking to an Orc in the Badlands, every cutscene, mission briefing, and character interaction in TOR will feature voice actors playing out a scene for gamer's amusement. Rather than having to read through a scroll-shaped text box in order to find out why they're being asked to explore yet another kobold-infested mine, players can sit back and relax as they watch the captain of their imperial battle cruiser explain their next assignment. In addition to just briefings and debriefings, players will have options for input in conversations, adding a little more personalization to a massively multiplayer world.



The many faces of a human female

2 - Class, Some People Have it, Some People Don't- In Star Wars it takes all types: Humans, Twi'leks, Iridonians, the list goes on and on, but in the galactic melting pot that is The Old Republic, race is no more important than what color lightsaber crystal to choose. Sure gamers will be able to select from the many familiar and not-so familiar humanoid species from the galaxy far far away, but what defines their story and gameplay experience is the Character Class they choose to be. Whether players choose to pick up a lightsaber and commune with the force as a Jedi Consular or sling a blaster rifle and run blockades as a Smuggler, players' story, quests and game experience will be drastically different between the various classes. While there will still be the occasional shared quest in which a Sith Inquisitor might have to team up with an Imperial Agent,  gone are the days of dinging at level 20 and finding that your story has become the same as every other character you've ever created; a persistent problem in the world of Azeroth.

A Smuggler crouching behind a crate to
take cover during a battle

3 - "Say Hello to my Little Friend"- We've all been there: fighting the final boss of a two-hour dungeon when some ranged DPS player builds too much threat and now has to run for their life as said boss barrels after them. While BioWare has decided to employ the classic Melee/Healer/Range setup that most RPGs use, ranged units who might not be the best at taking damage aren't totally helpless should they get targeted. Units using blasters such as the Smuggler or Imperial Agent will have the ability to take cover behind environmental objects, greatly reducing their chances of being hit. Other ranged units such as the Bounty Hunter and Republic Soldier have a good deal of armor reinforcing them should any stray blaster fire come their way.  Ranged units will also be able to switch out different cells in their blaster rifles for added effects such as armor piercing rounds; perfect for taking out an over zealous defense droid.

TOR's setting plays to it's advantage as
a story telling game.

4 - Finally, An MMO That Doesn't Kill Lore- One of the biggest grievances for fans of the WarCraft franchise was WOW's apparent disregard for any lore or continuity within it's own universe. Just about every iconic character in the world of Azeroth is killable at one time or another, taking years of story and dumping it down the drain. TOR's setting, on the other hand, will be giving characters a chance to further explore Star Wars lore as they adventure through the galaxy in a time fans don't know much about, and writers have purposely left unwritten. We know eventually in 3,000 years Vader comes into the picture and starts force choking everybody, but for now it's a galaxy of anything goes during an era in which heroes are made and overthrown almost daily.

A Jedi knight and his trusty droid companion

5 - The More the Merrier- Like it's predecessor, Knights of the Old Republic, TOR will feature companion characters that gamers will meet while venturing throughout the galaxy. These non-playable characters can accompany players on missions and even join in on combat. Building on the voice mechanics of the game, players can take time to get to know their companions as they venture along, or tell them to stay out of it when they try to give their two cents in a conversation. 





Companion characters take care of crafting
 while you're out exploring the galaxy



6 - Save the busy work for the drones- No more will players have spend endless hours searching for linen cloth and sewing it into ill-fitting garments in order to acquire crafting experience. That's right, in TOR the tedious task of item crafting is done behind the scenes by your companions as you go about your travels. Different companions might specialize in different areas, giving you the chance to choose who best focuses on what type of crafting while you're out rounding up Jawas or slicing up Wookies. 

A class-specific starship, the Republic
Defender, docked on a planet

7 - Home is where the hyperdrive is- Taking place in a galaxy that's not only far, far away but probably fairly large, players will be in need of some means of transportation from planet to planet; enter: the starship. Each character class will have a starship assigned to it that acts as your base of operations on the many different worlds found in the Old Republic. This is where companions not accompanying you on missions will stay and work on the tasks you've assigned them to. In addition to being you're intergalactic RV, starships can also be used to engage in space battles: special missions that require the player to take to the cockpit and pilot their ship through an onslaught of cannon fire and asteroids as they try to destroy other starships or even massive battle cruisers. 

Choosing to attack a peaceful heard of
animals can result in a deeper slip into
the dark side.

8 - You say potato, I say force choke- Another feature of TOR that it acquired from its precursors is the use of a light side/dark side meter. As players experience the world of Star Wars they'll have countless opportunities to make decisions that will effect the world around them. Players choosing to save innocents and stand for justice will retain lightside points, while players choosing to kill, maim, or seriously disfigure can bask in their evil glory as they acquire more dark side points. This adds a great deal of customization to the gaming experience. While players will never be able to switch factions, one could theoretically become a rather cruel Jedi, but still loyal to the Republic just as one could become a Sith Warrior with a penchant for petting bunnies and picking flowers. 



If he's not careful, a rowdy Bounty Hunter
could step on the wrong toes and have to
deal with the repercussions.



9 - Actions have Consequences- Unlike World of WarCraft, players traversing through The Old Republic will rarely find themselves playing the same game twice, unless they play as the exact same class and make the exact same choices every time. Players who choose to murder a back-talking soldier might later find themselves staring down the blaster barrel of a disgruntled widow wanting revenge for what you did to her husband. Choices a gamer makes will influence his game so much that in some cases entirely new quests might come as a result of an earlier made choice. This is certainly a far cry from the repetitious if not seemingly copy-pasted quests of World of WarCraft.

Jedi mind tricks are just the tip of the
iceberg when it comes to moves you'll be
able to perform when you live out your Star
Wars fantasy.

10 - In case you didn't realize, it's Star Wars- Any nerd who truly wears the title with pride is a fan of George Lucas's brain child. While allegiance to WarCraft and Blizzard might waver, the bulk of us grew up making light saber noises or begging our parents to let us dress up as Princess Leia for Halloween. Featuring a Lucas-approved story line, hours of music made just for the game, and endless amounts of quality Star Wars action, Bioware has worked tirelessly on it's labor of love to give us all what we've been wanting since we could first say the words "force push." 

GAYmer Guide VLog Entry #1

Its here, GAYmer Guide's first ever VLog entry!

GAYmer Guide takes a break from video game reviews to check out a couple websites for games currently in development: Diablo 3, Dragon Age 2, and Star Wars The Old Republic. Also Featuring a quick sneak preview of some screen captures from the Dragon Age: Legends closed beta testing.

Take a gander at Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqZI-uVy1cY

Snowball Fight Dream Team

     The Holidays are over. We've taken down our trees, packed away our menorahs and chugged the last of the eggnog. As we get ready to dive head-first into the thick of winter, the good people at GAYmer Guide are back to add a little warmth to the frigid weather ahead. With snow having hit most of the continental US this winter, including regions as far south as Georgia, its time to finally pack up the wrapping paper, put the decorations in the attic and start preparing our team rosters for the inevitable. Forget fantasy basketball, let's talk snow ball fights.

     After our brief holiday hiatus GAYmer Guide has returned, only this time sporting the ultimate team roster to take on those punks down the street and declare yourself instantly cool as reigning champ of the powder wars. With a little help from some fan favorites and not-so-favorites, the following list and strategy is sure to put your snow ball team on top.

     Offense: The key to a snowball fight victory is more than just overwhelming your opponents with more glacial globules than they can handle. Even on the offense, it helps to have an array of battle styles. These boys (and girl) make up your team's offensive line and when put to good use, ensure your victory.

     Goro- While he may be a champion in the ring, Mortal Kombat's Goro is nothing if not a snow ball fighting machine. Sure he could use a coat and some gloves, and maybe some pants wouldn't hurt either, but there's no denying the level of fear your adversaries are going to experience when they see that four-armed ponytailed monstrosity serving up an icy Fatality. While one set of arms focuses on making snowballs and the other set concentrates on hurling them at the opposing team, Goro effectively works as a moving turret, providing constant fire, and an asset on the forefront of battle.

     Ice Climbers- Goro may be your team's best intimidation factor but Popo and Nana, better known as the Ice Climbers, could very well be your most prepared comrades. Already decked out in primo winter weather gear, the Climbers are ready the moment the battle begins. Send these two straight up the middle of the battlefield to draw enemy fire. Not only does their small size make them harder to hit but with their ability to launch themselves one over the other, they'll be dodging snowballs left and right. Should any incoming projectiles come close enough to do damage, watch as our friends in the fur-lined hoods use those twin mallets they're so fond of to smash it back from whence it came.

     Donkey Kong- Donkey Kong is your team's heavy hitter. We've all seen how well DK throws wooden barrels, now imagine the damage he'll do when that barrel is a boulder-sized snow ball. With the other offensive team members drawing fire and feeding a constant stream of snowballs, DK has time to make his arsenal then send the opposition soarings as his bombardments hit their mark.

     Defense: They say the best defense is a good offense, and while that might be true, it doesn't hurt to have a good defense as well, just incase. Following in the footsteps of the offensive line, the defenders each have their own role to make for one impervious and badass base.

     Big Daddy- Some might look at the tough suit of armor or that massive drill and think Big Daddy to be more suited for offense rather than defense. This might be a mistake your foolish opponent would make, but you know better. Everyone knows there's no point to even starting a snowball fight if you don't have a sweet fort to defend, and in that case, think of Big Daddy as your team's snow carpenter. With his might and that human-sized drill for a hand, set Big Daddy to construction and repair duties right away. While the battle may be waging all around him, Big Daddy should stay pretty focused as long as any 'Little Sisters' don't wander in and start creeping everyone out.

     Blood Elf Spellbreaker- While he may have the ability to control summoned units and steal buffs from other players on the battlefield, the main defensive tactic that you should employ from WarCraft 3: the Frozen Throne's Blood Elf Spellbreaker is his massive shield. Set as your base's main guard, or your sentry, the Spellbreaker will make for a formidable opponent for anyone looking to hit him in the face with a snowball. By blocking incoming snowballs with that fancy red shield of his, the Spellbreaker can buy some much-needed time for your troops to regroup at your fort and dispatch any nuisances they find there.

     Ifrit- Some might think it in poor taste to use a fire wielder on a battlefield of snow, but as they say: all's fair in love and war. The plan for Final Fantasy X's Ifrit is simple: keep him on defense, but keep him away from your base, you don't need him melting all your hard work. Being vulnerable to water and ice attacks, Ifrit is not to be on the offense. Ifrit's best arsenal is heat: as snowballs are being thrown, a couple well-placed fira spells will evaporate the enemy's arsenal and leave them as vulnerable as a baby chocobo. 

     Infiltration: If your opponent manages to have an impressive offense and a rock-solid defense, you're going to need to execute some of the finer points of warfare to really come out on top. These units specialize in two things: information gathering and getting behind enemy lines. When used together get ready to sit back and strain your eyes as you try to spot your opponent's white flag through all the flying snow.

     Cortana- An artificial intelligence unlike any other, Cortana is a supreme master of information gathering. If you happen to be running low on spare Master Chief helmets to put her in, simply upload Cortana onto any piece of UNSC map equipment circa 2485 or later and get ready to take notes on the massive amounts of intel she'll be gathering. Whether your opposition will be communicating via texting, walkie-talkies, or two cans with a string running between them Cortana will find a way to bug it and relay any pertinent battle information you might need.

     Proxy- As a state-of-the-art hologram droid, The Force Unleashed's Proxy is vital at sneaking behind enemy lines and sowing chaos. While those buffoons in the empire might have used him primarily for training, Proxy's extensive personnel database and abilities make him an expert at infiltration, although the records of the galactic empire might not include the middle schoolers down the block that you'll be battling. To overcome this simply use what info Cortana has gathered to boost his databanks and watch as that pile of scrap metal turns into one of those awkward an sniveling members of the other team deserving of a snowball in the face. As the opposing team's offense and defense are focusing on fighting the rest of your troops, send proxy in to do a little empire-style sabotage. No force-charged twenty-somethings with daddy issues needed, this droid can get unleashed on his own.

     Altair- Despite your best efforts, one of those little punks might have asked his older brother to help out, and he's in high school so that means business. If only you had some sort of super stealthy assassin to take out their team's heavy hitter-- oh wait, you do. Already decked out in white, Altair takes a break from his sneaking around in Assasin's Creed to lend you his services of sneaking around in your battle field. However, before you send him after the other team's VIP, make sure you inform Altair that this is a non-fatal mission and that he is to incapacitate the target only. We don't need anyone calling their mom. After taking away his concealed wrist blades for good measure, send him on his way, confident that he'll get the job done and that all you'll be left with are some scared and confused seventh graders.

     Humiliation: Even though victory is in the bag, what's the fun in crushing your enemy with mounds of snow if you can't crush their soul as well. Whether it be all out intimidation, or that disparaging feeling of hopelessness as they go up against an unstoppable force, you're bound to show those punks from Saint Kelley's Christian Middle School for Physically Impaired Orphans why they shouldn't mess with you, even if it was unprovoked. 

     GLaDOS- The undisputed mistress of insults, GLaDOS is perfectly suited to handle the humiliation of your opposition with her words. With a track record of telling people they have no friends, are extremely unlikable, and even revealing to some that they are destined to die alone, GLaDOS comes prepared to get into their heads and send them home crying.

     Abominable Snow Monster- After the battle is over and your opponents have begun to flee, its time to unleash the beast or in this case: the Abominable Snow Monster from Skifree. We all remember him: you'd take your time to beat the game then after you had won, you kept going; that is until the Abominable Snow Monster would chase you down and eat you. Imagine that same concept, only the skier is now a handful of crying tweens screaming and running for their lives. It should be noted that once the Abominable Snow Monster has been released, it would be wise to high tail it out of there yourself, and preferably not on skis.
















Did we miss anyone or leave anyone out? Who would you have chosen? 

Halo: Reach

Bungie's Final farewell
to loyal fans.

Synopsis:

     Set immediately before the events in the Halo series, Reach follows the last days of Noble Team, a team of 6 Spartan super soldiers charged with keeping the peace on what may very well be the most important planet in the Halo universe. After a brief introduction to the members of Noble Team, players assume the command of Noble 6, a faceless and mysterious soldier reassigned to work with the elite band of Spartans. Almost immediately the group is sent on their first mission as a new team: investigate what is supposed to be a small act of rebel sabotage that has caused a communication zone black out. It isn't long until Noble Team finds the reason for the downed communication and what should have been a brief recon mission turns into a fight for their lives as the six super soldiers are quickly overwhelmed with covenant forces and are forced to retreat and regroup. Before long, Noble Team discovers that it isn't a small Covenant battalion that's causing all the chaos but rather a full scale invasion fleet.

     For any not familiar with the Halo franchise, Reach does an excellent job of revealing the ultimate fate of the star-crossed world within the first couple seconds of the game. Before the action begins, players are shown the helmet of Noble 6 cracked and broken, lying in the dirt; a somber screen shot that sets the tone for the campaign. After all, Halo Reach is a tragedy.

     As the last hurrah for game developer Bungie with it's cash-cow of a video game child, Halo, its obvious developers wanted to pull out all the stops and go out with a bang, a goal they most definitely accomplished. 

Appearance:

Noble team looks the same in the
cinematics as they do in regular
gameplay.

     One of the joys of being loyal to a game series is being able to revel in the advancement of graphics as new titles are released. This latest installment from the universe of the Master Chief is no different. Just like we thought Halo 2's vistas trumped those of the original, and Halo ODST put Halo 3's visual appearance to shame, so does Reach do to the entire franchise. Bungie has once again shown that their dedication to the Halo series goes far beyond a bad-ass main character and that they're not above the extra grunt work of amping up the polygons to bring something as simple as an assault rifle to life.

To remind players just how scary
the Covenant was, even the Grunts
got a bit of a redesign.

    Aside from giving the scenery and weapons a facelift, Bungie took time to give makeovers to the Covenant as well. By tweaking the appearance of the Grunts, Elites, Jackals, and Brutes developers were able to remind players that before being humanized in Halo 2, the Covenant were a terrifying collective of alien races as ruthless and frightening as they were foreign.

Noble Team is about as diverse as 
any group out there.

     By setting the game on the never-before-seen world of Reach, during a time where there was more than just Master Chief running around and saving the galaxy, Bungie was given the opportunity to play around with what different Spartans might have looked like. From the no-nonsense Kat with her cybernetic arm to the battle-eager Emile donning a helmet with painted on skull, Noble Team is just about as diverse and eclectic as a Benetton ad. 

Game Play

   Whether intentional or not, much of Reach pays homage to the original Halo, most notably in gameplay and the overall feeling of "oh crap." Bungie has done an excellent job of giving players a sense of accomplishment after completing mission objectives, even though ultimately there's only so much they can do to delay the inevitable. 

Through use of the armory, players
can upgrade Noble 6's armor from
sweet to utterly bad ass.

     In an effort to distinguish Reach from other Halo incarnations and to offer fans something they've been begging for for a while, Bungie introduces the Armory. By using points earned through completing missions and dispatching Covenant forces, players may purchase new additions or upgrades to Noble 6's armor. Some upgrades are intended to effect gameplay, some are only meant to add a laugh, and some ultimately were included to just look sweet.

Classic Halo returns with a better
AI and greater weapon choices

     Arguably the best part of Reach would be the elimination of the Flood. Taking place before the discovery of the zombie-like flesh bags, players don't have to worry about running through a level in order to survive and can instead focus on executing some sort of strategy to overcome large groups of Covenant ground forces. 

     Through an enhanced computer AI, something as seemingly simple as driving around in a ghost and gunning down Grunts and Elites has become quite a bit more laborious as Elites will now strafe out of the way only to jump down from a boulder and commandeer the ghost for themselves. While this may annoy some, it makes the gameplay that much more dynamic without really effecting the difficulty.

Battling in space is just one of the
insanely cool additions brought
out in Reach

     Another means of switching up gameplay would be the introduction of vastly different levels such as piloting a helicopter from skyscraper to skyscraper as players dispatch Covenant units within, or rocketing off into low orbit to repel a Covenant Corvette Battlecruiser, marking the first time Halo's combat has included space battles.

By using the jet pack players can
get more than a leg up on the
competition

    When not participating in dogfights in zero gravity, players can also geek out by employing Bungie's other gameplay additions through the use of armor abilities. These tactical actions range from the well-known 'invisibility' to the lusted after 'jet pack' and the invaluable 'armor lockdown', an ability that causes the Spartan to remain still but gain invulnerability for several seconds. 

     Following the tradition of its predecessors, Reach introduces an array of new and impressive weapons for players to geek out over. Namely: a weapon that allows player to call down an air strike on a select target, dealing area damage and pretty much turning anything within the blast radius into scrap. 

The Covenant Skirmisher might
look like a jackal with a bad hair day
but they're so much more than that

    Another new addition to the Halo universe is the introduction of a new Covenant race, the Skirmisher. A subspecies of the Jackals, the Skirmishers are faster, stronger, and more agile and only the high-ranking units employ the use of shields which are much smaller than their Jackal cousins and used primarily to show rank than to provide actual protection. The Skirmishers are Bungie's perfect way of showing off their enhanced AI system. By attacking in packs and using flanking tactics, a player practicing tunnel vision might find himself quickly surrounded by the close-range, feather-maned killers.

Don't Change a Thing:

Noble Team seen here
communicating with Dr. Halsey

     Featuring impressive graphics, a compelling story and the ability to change Noble 6's armor, Reach might be the best thing to come out of the Halo franchise since the original grandaddy of them all Halo: Combat Evolved. Following in the traditions of the games before it, Reach is oozing with Halo lore, back stories, and cameos. By including the appearance of Doctor Halsey, the doctor responsible for the Spartan soldiers and everybody's favorite quirky AI Cortana, Reach delves a little deeper into the fiction that has made the entire franchise so irresistible. 

Should Have Spent More Time On:

     Aside from fumbling with dialog and voice acting here and there, and occasionally having to run around in a circle while waiting for the next checkpoint to be triggered, Reach is free of many of the headaches and nuisances of its predecessors. Ultimately, Bungie hit their marks when they brought us this delight of geek ambrosia. 

While the game is about rugged and
tough soldiers saving a planet
its surprisingly not all that gay.

Just How Homo:

     Despite having a team comprised almost entirely of vastly different male super soldiers to cater to just about anyone's type, its hard to check someone out through layer upon layer of battle armor. Although Jorge might be the perfect sensitive bear, Emile the notorious bad boy, Jun the level headed and calm thinking boy next door and Commander Carter the all around straight-edge take-charge jock, the fact that they are all wearing full body suits and concerned primarily with defending a doomed planet means players might as well be fawning over a gun-slinging robot.

Own it or Rent it:
     Some people simply don't enjoy an FPS, no matter how compelling the story or interesting the characters, if that is the case, then those poor close-minded souls should steer clear of Reach. For the rest of us who like a good story, or who just want to tag aliens with plasma grenades until the cows come home, Reach is most definitely an Own It. Any fan of multiplayer online gaming already knows how perfect the Halo series is for Xbox Live, add in all the new weapons, maps, and chances to T-bag a downed opponent and you'll agree that Bungie's grand finale was just that.